Read Pages

~ The Lover's Dictionary <3

autonomy, n.

"I want my books to have their own shelves," you said, and that's how I knew it would be okay to live together."

candid, adj.

"Most times, when I'm having sex, I'd rather be reading."

    This was, I admit, a strange thing to say on a second date. I guess I was just giving you warning.

    "Most times when I'm reading," you said, "I'd rather be having sex."

***

I was under house arrest yesterday. Self-imposed, due to sickness. I felt like a baby dandelion whose head was about to be popped off by an uncoordinated child. So, I medicated myself with book.

David Levithan's novel is a bittersweet (70% Cocoa) story about love. It is the story of a relationship (the good, the bad and the mundane) told entirely through dictionary entries. The essence of this relationship is slowly and honestly revealed, un-chronologically. So, as you read, these small moments of intimacy begin to fit together, like puzzle pieces from an unmarked box. By the end, you are left with a story.

The format of this novel really worked for me. I thought that it was more interesting/unique and less gimmicky, than some readers. It was a quick and easy read, but nevertheless enjoyable.  

If this novel were a song, it would be The Silly Love Song of Silly Love Songs. "And," as McCartney would say, "what's wrong with that?"

*Special thanks to my person who gifted me this unusual book. By the way, If we ever move in together I want my books to have their own shelves.*

Follow @loversdiction for new dictionary entries tweeted, in character, by David Levithan.

~ The Adventures of Huck Finn: Robotic Edition

Mark Twain once said, "The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter." Diani & Devine couldn't agree more. And, for them, that right word is "robot."

 

***

In The NewSouth Edition of Mark Twain's Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, the word "nigger" has been replaced by the word "slave." Why? To make the text more user-friendly and to compassionately save Twain from "join(ing) the ranks of outdated literary classics." I, like Larry Wilmore and Roger Ebert, call bullshit.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Larry Wilmore: Mark Twain Controversy (partial transcript)

JON STEWART: Well, the editors of this new version are trying to make the book more accessible, they say, so that it can be taught without making students in the classroom, who may be uncomfortable, repeat the word nrnrnnrnrnrnr….

WILMORE: I’m sorry?

STEWART: Just so that the children don’t have to say, in the class, say nnrnrnrnernnnrr….

WILMORE: I’m sorry, what word were you…

STEWART: Nnnnnuuuuuuu….

WILMORE: Say it, Jon!

STEWART: Nnnnniiiuuuuuuu…. It’s uncomfortable!

WILMORE: And it should be! Look, Mark Twain put that word in for a reason. The n-word speaks to a society that casually dehumanized black people; “slave” is just a job description. And, it’s not even accurate! In the book, Jim is no longer a slave. He ran away! Twain’s point is he can’t run away from being a nigger.

Roger Ebert's Journal (Much ado about the N-thing)

"My love of Huckleberry Finn is great. I would sacrifice every video game in existence rather than lose Mark Twain's novel. I've defended Huck Finn for years against the tone-deaf Puritans who have banned it from schools for its use of the N-Word. Anyone offended by the use of that word the way it is used in Huckleberry Finn cannot read and possibly cannot think."

~ Find Gatsby!

Seclusion + Mountain Dew + Doritos = one interesting 8-bit homage to The Great Gatsby. This NES spin-off features Gold Hat and Martini powerups. You play as Nick Carraway. You dodge butlers. You hit flappers with fedoras. You ride the rails of West Egg. You fight T.J. Eckleberg.

To become "a regular Belasco," play it here. 

Word of Advice: Beware of Boxcar Bill's bindle stick!

~ The Ultimate Boyfriend

At a pre-Valentine's Day family gathering, my sister introduced us all to her ultimate boyfriend. They met at a local toy department and they've been entertaining her co-workers and each other, ever since.

Barbie's bitch now says whatever you want him to say. He is quite the sweet talker and has two awesome playback modes to choose from. There's the "Barbie-Has-My-Balls-In-A-Vice-Again" mode and the Saw inspired "Barbie-I-Want-To-Play-A-Game" mode.

  

The plastic parrot had the following to say at our gathering:

"Rob, Do you have Bieber Fever?"

"Where's my dinner, Bitch?"

"Would you like to taste my sausage-shaped lollipop?"

"Give me 10,000 dollars in unmarked bills or never see your loved ones again."

"I think I might be drunk."

"Barbie, That was awesome!"

Word of advice: Wrapping a naked Ken doll in Saran Wrap is not a good idea and it's definitely not as funny as you'd think. It's just creepy. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

~ Remembering John Hughes

 

I predict a John Hughes movie marathon in my future. It's been far too long since I've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club and Say Anything.

Chuck Klosterman, in his low culture manifesto, wrote a brilliant essay on "fake love" in which he blames John Cusack for his inability to experience "a mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship."

Here's an excerpt:

I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack. Under certain circumstances, this would have been fine; Cusack is relatively good-looking, he seems like a good guy (he likes the Clash and the Who at least), and he undoubtedly has millions of bones in the bank. If Cusack and I were competing for the same woman, I could easily accept losing. However, I don't really feel like John and I were "competing" for the girl I'm referring to, inasmuch as her relationship to Cusack was confined to watching him as a two-dimensional projection, pretending to be characters who don't actually exist. Now, there was a time when I would have thought that detachment would have given me a huge advantage over Johnny C., inasmuch as my relationship with this woman included things like "talking on the phone" and "nuzzling under umbrellas" and "eating pancakes." However, I have come to realize that I perceived this competition completely backward; it was definitely an unfair battle, but not in my favor. It was unfair in Cusack's favor. I never had a chance.

It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one-box-office-star in America, because every straight girl I know would sell her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker. For upwardly mobile women in their twenties and thirties, John Cusack is the neo-Elvis. But here's what none of these upwardly mobile women seem to realize: They don't love John Cusack. They love Lloyd Dobler. When they see Mr. Cusack, they are still seeing the optimistic, charmingly loquacious teenager he played in Say Anything, a movie that came out more than a decade ago. [...] This is why... the kind of woman I tend to find attractive will never be satisfied by me. We will both measure our relationship against the prospect of fake love.

***

I must confess, I am STILL in love with Lloyd Dobler.

***

Zelda Link: The Legend of Neil A web series (one of my faves) about a gas station attendant from Jersey who finds himself trapped in Hyrule. 

~ One Book To Rule Them All

It's day two of Canada's annual "Battle of the Books" aka Canada Reads. It is a literary death match that, this year, will determine which book will be named THE ESSENTIAL CANADIAN NOVEL OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM. The 2011 nominees are: The Best Laid Plans, Essex County, Unless, The Bone Cage and The Birthing House.

Each of these titles is defended by a Canadian "celebrity" who fights for the "worthiness" of their selection. The 2011 defenders are: Ali Velshi (the "hairless prophet of doom"), Sara Quin (of Tegan & Sara), Lorne Cardinal, Georges Laraque and Debbie Travis. 

Yesterday, Essex County was sadly but unsurprisingly "voted off the island." Justin Hosker has written a brilliant post that examines how some panelists justified (unjustifiably) kicking Lemire's graphic novel, so easily, to the curb. If you are a fan of illustrated fiction, his post, is well worth the read.

So far, the debate has been quite lively but, for the most part, seems to be an "essential" vs. "accessible" rope war between the panelists. Debbie Travis is doing a wonderful job casting herself in the role of panel villain. She has admitted to half-assing her way through Unless, reading Essex County in the time it took her to bathe and abandoning The Best Laid Plans because she found it "unreadable." Normally, I would applaud this type of honesty. This type of truth doesn't set you free, it just makes you look like an idiot. However, Debbie's honesty is not reflected in her voting practices. She has, in fact, voted off the only other books (besides The Birthing House) that she has actually read. This tells me that Debbie is not only "playing to win," but also that she sees herself more as a Survivor contestant and less like an advocate for Canadian literature. And this really irks me. It also makes me want to do my best impression of Jon Stewart's Scooby-Doo face. You know the one that he likes to wear, whenever Sarah Palin says/does something stupid. "Ruh?"

Personally, I have decided to root for Ali Velshi and The Best Laid Plans. He is the only panelist that has managed to convince me to add their title to my to-read list (excluding Essex County which was already there). 

 

 

The final debate takes place tomorrow (Feb 9) at 10:00 a.m. ET. Please visit http://www.cbc.ca/books/canadareads/ for more information. Long live the hairless prophet of doom!  

~ Literary Pie

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows is quite the "lovely" read. It really is. It's the kind of book that I would have been excited to share with my grandmother, if she were still living.

It's also a book that I often found myself picking up and then almost immediately re-shelving.

Why?

1) It's one of Heather's Picks and for some reason my mind automatically equates Heather's Picks with some sort of university inspired Required Reading List. Been there, done with that.

2) The plot summary blurb on the back cover. It reads "a remarkable tale of the island of Guernsey during the German occupation." Historical fiction is so not my thing.

3) The entire novel is also composed of a series of letters. This format does not appeal to me at all.

Luckily, my mother was gifted a previously read copy of this book over the holidays and my resistance soon became futile. The colorful origami cranes that bookmarked several pages didn't hurt either. Previous reader, I adore you and your mad paper folding skills. 

In one of her letters to Sidney and Piers, Juliet writes: "Quite apart from my interest in their interest in reading, I have fallen in love with two men: Eben Ramsey and Dawsey Adams. Chris Fossey and John Booker, I like. I want Amelia Maugery to adopt me, I want to adopt Isola Pribby." As I was reading, I couldn't help but feel the same. 

If this novel was a side dish, it would most definitely be a Sweet Potato Casserole with Marshmallow Topping. I was skeptical of The Casserole at first, but now it's one of my holiday favorites. Don't knock it, until you try it.

I recommend this book to: the AYC Women's Auxiliary Book Club and to any Chick Flick fan who would rather read a good book than watch one more Katherine Heigl film.

*I am also very hesitant to recommend this book to most men. This is not a manly man's read and A is so not for ass kicking. However, if you happen to be a fan of South Park you will likely find some enjoyment in repeatedly saying "Ay! Get your bitch-ass back in the kitchen and make me some Potato Peel Pie!"

Virtual Yeast Cells! Yum!

New Scientist TV: Play Pacman, Pinball and Pong with a paramecium.

~ It Might Turn Into A Different Story

My person likes to greet most days with tea and the previous evening's episode of The Daily Show. I prefer much coffee and sometimes like to indulge in some stomping of my feet. I am not a morning person. For the past week or so, I have been greeting the day by doing The NYT Crossword Puzzle with The NYTimes Crosswords App by Magmic. This is one of my many New Year's resolutions for the month of January. It also helps me to justify my recent subscription renewal. I start with what I know, which often, depending on the day, isn't much. I then look to Google and Wiki for some much needed help. And when all else fails, Rex Parker gives me the answers I so desperately seek. He does the puzzle everyday and then blogs about its theme and difficulty. He now saves my ass and entertains me on a daily basis. 

Will Shortz on crosswords:

 

Apparently, I do not possess a "grab-bag brain." If Gladwell's "10,000-Hour Rule" holds, I should be able to do the puzzle in pen when I'm 63.

~ High Fidelity

One of my favorite authors, Nick Hornby, not-so-recently joined forces with Ben Folds to create Lonely Avenue, an alternative rock album. Folds added the music to Hornby's words and I couldn't have been more pleased. Although these musical short stories are available in different formats, they were made to be listened to on vinyl. Unfortunately, I do not own a record player. Rob Fleming would be so disappointed. 

This is the music video for track 10 of the album. Enjoy!

  

*Saskia Hamilton is an American poet. I am not familiar with her work.